quote of the day:
"always guilty before the sin...i can't win"-Usher
How the hell do people continue to be little me and i sit there and take it like a good little girl ? How the fuck do people always seem to judge me and make me out to be this monster that doesn't belong in this world ? Especially my mother.
GOD, is it any wonder why I'd rather play in traffic than spend an evening with her and her constant bitching and moaning. It seems like she always wants to 'talk' at the most idiotic times of the day and when i don't respond to her liking i get yelled at for being rude and disrespectful. It's 2 in the morning, I'm chillin in my brother's room watching a few videos bout to go to bed and this woman is seriously calling me into her room to massage her feet. Then if i refuse to do so I'm being yelled at for not caring about her feet that are hurting. It's FUCKING 2AM and you are seriously thinking I'm rubbing your feet ??? Are you kidding ??? That's what masseuse is for and if you are in so much pain then i suggest you see a doctor. Another example of my mother's laziness is when I'm in my room relaxing, listening to some tunes my cell phone starts ringing. Why is my mother actually calling me on my phone to tell me to come to the living room to pass her the remote control ? Or she'll call me on my cell phone because she is too lazy to get off her ass to knock on my bedroom door and ask me to do something. i really can not stand a person that is so selfish and only thinking of herself. How can you call me selfish if i don't want to rub your feet or polish your toe nails; that's why GOD blessed YOU with hands and then when I do polish your toes you complain about how I missed a spot or it needs more color. How can you even sit in my face and say i need to start being more grateful and that I need to appreciate you when if that was the case i could have let you die ? You remember when your ass was choking on those potato chips and you couldn't breathe, who's ungrateful ass performed the heimlich maneuver and saved your life ??? Bet you ain't go back and tell your friends that your spawn of the devil daughter actually cares about you. It also seems like you always eager to tell your friends all the sin I've ever committed but when i do something good I don't get as much press about it like your darling son. That's why i just stopped telling you about my shows and all the cool things I've accomplished in life, I'm just some second place thing compared to Rondell. Don't get me wrong that's my brother and everything and I love him a lot but it seems like when he does something you call up everybody you know to brag. I had my first track meet and got 1 first place and 2 second place ribbons but I'm sure your friends don't know that. I won my school's talent show in 9th grade but I'm sure they don't know that either. Or what about the fact that I was in W.E.T(women's expressive theater). Did you know every movie we saw I met someone who had a significant role in the movie? All you seem to do is try to take away dancing. When you get mad at me the first thing you want to do is say I can't go to dance practice. Like what the fuck is that ??? But at this stage of my life I've come to the realization that you can not do that anymore. Yea you may say I can't go to the dance studio but I am still gonna dance in my room regardless !! You can't take something like that away from me because it's what I love and what i have the most passion for. You know i come up with the hottest shit when I'm in my room or when I'm being 'punished' ?? I have also come to the conclusion that I don't need you to be my friend. You are my mother and nothing more. I don't need you to want to go places with me or gossip about the latest 411 with my friends. Stop trying to be down when you know deep down you can't. I'm not going to talk to you about every single little detail of my life only the important things so why can't you just except that. When I was little I came to you for everything like a splinter or a paper cut, but now I'm older and I can take care of myself. I don't need you like I needed you before. I have been taking care of myself ever since I knew how and you know that too. I haven't asked you for much because I got it. When was the last time you had to buy me clothes and sneakers ? I buy all that myself and the most i ask you for is to help keep my hair looking nice and maybe a few dollars to chill with the sisters. I'm sorry if you feel like I'm an abomination of a child but I only got a year and a half left to be in your home. When i go to college I'm not coming back, I'm going to move out of the state because it seems as if we need some space from each other. You say I'm straining this relationship but you are not making it easy for me to come talk to you about things I might want to. That's why I haven't told you about Lp and I know if I do you're gonna use that against me when you feel I'm 'disobeying' you. How the hell can you call me fast when you haven't met let alone heard of anyone I've dated?? For all you know I could be gay. I know why I love this dude so much now; it's because he doesn't nag me or judge me and he genuinely cares for me and loves me. Lp is such a gentlemen and he looks after me. What more could I ask for in a dude ? I am seriously done with getting into arguments with you, it's not worth it. When I turn 18 I'm ghist and you won't ever have to hear from me again.
P3ANUT
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