S H A Y Y.

i don't understand it
like it feels like everyday im shaking my head and wondering if something is wrong with me.
im so young but it feels as if i've walked in the life of a 30 year old.
my boyfriend seems to be the center of my confusion at the moment.
okay so he's 19 and now he's going to be a sophomore in college, last year he went away to a school in Alabama.
im not a big fan of long distance relationships but we some how managed to 'make it work'
i have always told him i would rather be alone than be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect or want to be with me.
every time he insists that he loves me and this is the perfect relationship for him.
now im not a complete idiot and i figure he has been fucking around in college but i'll give him the benefit of the doubt because im going to take his word unless i hear other wise.
well instead of him cheating on me with an Alabama bitch, he already had a girlfriend and went out with me during their time together.
of course when i found out about her and vice versa we both dumped him.
but it seems like guilt and persuasion got me back together with him.
the same day we broke up he got jumped and had to go to the hospital. his arm was in a sling for a few days.

does anyone else see my problem ?
like im so in love with this dude, or is it love ?

he says he loves me and misses me but every opportunity avalible to see him, he's busy.
not tryna sound like a gold digger but i've spent more money on him than he has on me.
i've taken him out and given him almost anything a girlfriend could but it seems like it's not being reciprocated.
i guess saying that im going to break up with him is actually alot harder than doing it.
he was my first love, my first EVERYTHING
maybe that's why it's so hard for me.
im so young to have had fallen so hard for this guy when it seems like the feeling isn't mutual.
trust is not as high as it used to be as well
it seems like he'd rather be with another bitch than hang out with me.
am i not an option ?
correction
was i ever an option ??

maybe i should get the courage to move on.
i know it'll be hard but it'll be worth my while to either be alone or some else will see the worth in me.
i dont know what to do anymore
im trying to make this work but it's only so much i could take.

[O=O] Unappreciated by Cherish

P 3 A N U T

i feel like a fuckin loser
can everyone really see what i can't ?
am i really as ugly as i am constantly telling myself ??
i feel like such as loser
like no one cares for or about me
im always numbah two & never felt what it would be like to be numbah one
i see other bitches my boyfriend looks at & they are way outta my league
way bigger boobs & asses than i'll ever have
longer prettier hair & thicker bodies than i have
like cmon..no one wants sumone like me
i look funny
my skin isnt perfect
im barely fittin my clothing
& im not sexy or appealing in any way
one day i'd love to be able to look in tha mirror & not be dissapointed in what i see
but for now all i can do is grin and bear it
i wonder how long that will take

P3ANUT''S TalkShow...LoOoLsz

02.24.09

HellO everybody & welcome to another exciting blog by P3ANUT !!

__applause and cheering+

please..you're to0 kind..you shouldn't have..LoOoLsz

so0 i am sure it's been super long since i've written anything on HL's Blog..
well im back with a new topic... Females

i do not even know where to start !
i go to an all girls catholic school downtown..located in tha heart of Manhattan..lol

quick question..how many parents are thinking about sending their 'darling' daughter to an all girls catholic school ??
DON'T do it !!!!!
it's social suicide...tehehe =D
do you think im being dramatic ?
well im not if only you guys knew how disgusting..disturbing & hypocritical it is...im sure you'd think twice about sending your daughter to an all girls catholic school
so i've been attending my school for about 3 years now..im a junior

since i've been at school i've learned that there are NO such things as real friends..maybe you'll get lucky and find one or two but odds of that is slim to none

girls back stab other girls in this school like its going outta style !!
they literally sit in your face..give you a hug..& steal your sidekick right outta your back pocket !
other times..there are the more bolder ones who plot things out; & when they do steal your [explicit] they change tha serial number in tha back so they wont get caught with your phone..

disgusting things go down in tha bathroom !!
im telling you..i'd rather scrub tha McDonald's bathroom on 125th than stand in tha bathroom in my school

girls do numbers 1 through 100 & whoops_silly
[explicit]s don't flush tha [explicit]ing toilets !!!!!
so im staring this beast in tha toilet..to0 scared to flush but yet fascinated enough to call National Geographics to report a runaway turd..LoOoLsz

& man i cant forget tha random sanitary napkins i see following me around to class..i turn left..there goes a kotex..i turn right..hey look its a tamp !
UGHsz !!!

this is a true story..
i swear this girl [name with held] was walking up tha stairs to class when her [explicit]ing pad fell off her from like tha friggin Heavens above !!!
like WTF ?! where in tha bloody hell did that [explicit] come from ?!?!?

craziest part is she had on tha school PANTS & she seriously looked at it and said 'oops..i dropped that' [u damn right u did] & picked it up & walked about her business !!!!!!

that [explicit] still boggles my mind til this day
smh

tha lunch !!
they be serving us liddo kitty kat & rats
lolsz nah
but today..tell me why tha 'chicken' smelt like sweaty armpits and hot goat sex !!

no bueno HL..smh
tha macaroni & cheese looks like a neon yellow motel sign that's telling us no vacancy..

can't forget about about tha [ Soap Opera Click ]
they are tha gay girls at my school who have a problem like every other day between them.
it's really THEE most funniest thing i've ever seen !!
like one lunch period Girl A literally begged for Girl B to take her back because she's in love with her & not girl C & D...
confused yet ???
LmaoO..it's really something outta tha soaps !!

quick fact: every 2 seconds someone converts from straight-ism to bi-ism or straight-ism to lesbian-ism without hesitation !!![explicit] is crazy !!!

LoOoLsz...that should be enough on my crazy school
i miss HL
until next time
tah-tah

X__P3ANUT

P 3 A N U T

2.24.08


okay so here's tha deal...
my sister Suqi has a boyfriend named Devon
she's had a crush on him for a while & it just so happened that he liked her to0..

COOL !

now, what he doesn't understand is that she is practically in love with him..
like this girl likes him more than he does her
me personally...i think he's cheating on her
now what would possibly make me come to this conclusion you may be asking..
like me explain...

[ this is tha time to get your detective snooper gear and take notes ]

1. she recieved a phone call from one of her friends who told her Devon is messing with her cousin.
2. he never visits her/ she never visits him......they both live a friggin block away from each other !!!!!
3. all important conversations are held over aim...umm hmmm =/
4. he was all hugged up on Suqi when a girl sed " DEVON !! you cheating on me ?? it's over...and he left my sister standing there looking stoopid to tend to this other [explicit]
5. Tha mother of all disrespectful things....at a video shoot we had..he brought a girl with him named Destiny whom told us that Devon is her boyfriend and that they juss started going out...when he was called into questioning his reply was " that's just my friend from school "

WTF ?! you're joking..clearly...right ?

tha sad part is that my sis is to0 blind to see tha wolf in tha red riding hood cloak
love is blind [[ in this case..also a bad liar with a cute smile ]]
i find it sadening how she makes excuses for his ridiculous behavior..
like we're only 17 & she's already got a husband and sum kids [ not literally people]


i love this girl but she's so overwhelmed by someone liking her that she'll ignore her pride and dignity to keep someone whose probably [explicit] tha whole NYC
smh
i can't keep being to0 overprotective over her anymore..its time to let mama bear like her little birdy fly
[[[ wait...lolsz..that really didnt make sense..cmon people...stay with me ]]]
but yeah
she needs to figure out his scheming [explicit] before her feelings really start to take over

smh

signed...an angry P3ANUT

A N G R Y P 3 A N U T

07.08.08

quote of the day:

"always guilty before the sin...i can't win"-Usher

 How the hell do people continue to be little me and i sit there and take it like a good little girl ? How the fuck do people always seem to judge me and make me out to be this monster that doesn't belong in this world ? Especially my mother. 

GOD, is it any wonder why I'd rather play in traffic than spend an evening with her and her constant bitching and moaning. It seems like she always wants to 'talk' at the most idiotic times of the day and when i don't respond to her liking i get yelled at for being rude and disrespectful. It's 2 in the morning, I'm chillin in my brother's room watching a few videos bout to go to bed and this woman is seriously calling me into her room to massage her feet. Then if i refuse to do so I'm being yelled at for not caring about her feet that are hurting. It's FUCKING 2AM and you are seriously thinking I'm rubbing your feet ??? Are you kidding ??? That's what masseuse  is for and if you are in so much pain then i suggest you see a doctor. Another example of my mother's laziness is when I'm in my room relaxing, listening to some tunes my cell phone starts ringing. Why is my mother actually calling me on my phone to tell me to come to the living room to pass her the remote control ? Or she'll call me on my cell phone because she is too lazy to get off her ass to knock on my bedroom door and ask me to do something. i really can not stand a person that is so selfish and only thinking of herself. How can you call me selfish if i don't want to rub your feet or polish your toe nails; that's why GOD blessed YOU with hands and then when  I do polish your toes you complain about how I missed a spot or it needs more color. How can you even sit in my face and say i need to start being more grateful and that I need to appreciate you when if that was the case i could have let you die ? You remember when your ass was choking on those potato chips and you couldn't breathe, who's ungrateful ass performed the heimlich maneuver and saved your life ??? Bet you ain't go back and tell your friends that your spawn of the devil daughter actually cares about you. It also seems like you always eager to tell your friends all the sin I've ever committed but when i do something good I don't get as much press about it like your darling son. That's why i just stopped telling you about my shows and all the cool things I've accomplished in life, I'm just some second place thing compared to Rondell. Don't get me wrong that's my brother and everything and I love him a lot but it seems like when he does something you call up everybody you know to brag. I had my first track meet and got 1 first place and 2 second place ribbons but I'm sure your friends don't know that. I won my school's talent show in 9th grade but I'm sure they don't know that either. Or what about the fact that I was in W.E.T(women's expressive theater). Did you know every movie we saw I met someone who had a significant role in the movie? All you seem to do is try to take away dancing. When you get mad at me the first thing you want to do is say I can't go to dance practice. Like what the fuck is that ??? But at this stage of my life I've come to the realization that you can not do that anymore. Yea you may say I can't go to the dance studio but I am still gonna dance in my room regardless !! You can't take something like that away from me because it's what I love and what i have the most passion for. You know i come up with the hottest shit when I'm in my room or when I'm being 'punished' ?? I have also come to the conclusion that I don't need you to be my friend. You are my mother and nothing more. I don't need you to want to go places with me or gossip about the latest 411 with my friends. Stop trying to be down when you know deep down you can't. I'm not going to talk to you about every single little detail of my life only the important things so why can't you just except that. When I was little I came to you for everything like a splinter or a paper cut, but now I'm older and I can take care of myself. I don't need you like I needed you before. I have been taking care of myself ever since I knew how and you know that too. I haven't asked you for much because I got it. When was the last time you had to buy me clothes and sneakers ? I buy all that myself and the most i ask you for is to help keep my hair looking nice and maybe a few dollars to chill with the sisters. I'm sorry if you feel like I'm an abomination of a child but I only got a year and a half left to be in your home. When i go to college I'm not coming back, I'm going to move out of the state because it seems as if we need some space from each other. You say I'm straining this relationship but you are not making it easy for me to come talk to you about things I might want to. That's why I haven't told you about Lp and I know if I do you're gonna use that against me when you feel I'm 'disobeying' you. How the hell can you call me fast when you haven't met let alone heard of anyone I've dated?? For all you know I could be gay. I know why I love this dude so much now; it's because he doesn't nag me or judge me and he genuinely cares for me and loves me. Lp is such a gentlemen and he looks after me. What more could I ask for in a dude ? I am seriously done with getting into arguments with you, it's not worth it. When I turn 18 I'm ghist and you won't ever have to hear from me again.

P3ANUT

P 3 A N U T

7/10
these workshops are SUPERboring !!
all week i had to sit and listen to people tell me how i should manage my money and not to mention that im way behind at HL. i need to really catch up and get all the info i missed while at my workshops and hopefully i can learn it all in time for our big presentation on friday.
untill next time...tah-tah
-P3ANUT-

P 3 A N U T B u T T A

today seems pretty promising.. my team is currently working on our project and hopefully we'll win.. im a lil upset cuz i dont have any points yet but i guess i juss gotta start actually recording what it is that im doing at HL.
-P3ANUT-