S H A Y Y.

i don't understand it
like it feels like everyday im shaking my head and wondering if something is wrong with me.
im so young but it feels as if i've walked in the life of a 30 year old.
my boyfriend seems to be the center of my confusion at the moment.
okay so he's 19 and now he's going to be a sophomore in college, last year he went away to a school in Alabama.
im not a big fan of long distance relationships but we some how managed to 'make it work'
i have always told him i would rather be alone than be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect or want to be with me.
every time he insists that he loves me and this is the perfect relationship for him.
now im not a complete idiot and i figure he has been fucking around in college but i'll give him the benefit of the doubt because im going to take his word unless i hear other wise.
well instead of him cheating on me with an Alabama bitch, he already had a girlfriend and went out with me during their time together.
of course when i found out about her and vice versa we both dumped him.
but it seems like guilt and persuasion got me back together with him.
the same day we broke up he got jumped and had to go to the hospital. his arm was in a sling for a few days.

does anyone else see my problem ?
like im so in love with this dude, or is it love ?

he says he loves me and misses me but every opportunity avalible to see him, he's busy.
not tryna sound like a gold digger but i've spent more money on him than he has on me.
i've taken him out and given him almost anything a girlfriend could but it seems like it's not being reciprocated.
i guess saying that im going to break up with him is actually alot harder than doing it.
he was my first love, my first EVERYTHING
maybe that's why it's so hard for me.
im so young to have had fallen so hard for this guy when it seems like the feeling isn't mutual.
trust is not as high as it used to be as well
it seems like he'd rather be with another bitch than hang out with me.
am i not an option ?
correction
was i ever an option ??

maybe i should get the courage to move on.
i know it'll be hard but it'll be worth my while to either be alone or some else will see the worth in me.
i dont know what to do anymore
im trying to make this work but it's only so much i could take.

[O=O] Unappreciated by Cherish

P 3 A N U T

i feel like a fuckin loser
can everyone really see what i can't ?
am i really as ugly as i am constantly telling myself ??
i feel like such as loser
like no one cares for or about me
im always numbah two & never felt what it would be like to be numbah one
i see other bitches my boyfriend looks at & they are way outta my league
way bigger boobs & asses than i'll ever have
longer prettier hair & thicker bodies than i have
like cmon..no one wants sumone like me
i look funny
my skin isnt perfect
im barely fittin my clothing
& im not sexy or appealing in any way
one day i'd love to be able to look in tha mirror & not be dissapointed in what i see
but for now all i can do is grin and bear it
i wonder how long that will take

P3ANUT''S TalkShow...LoOoLsz

02.24.09

HellO everybody & welcome to another exciting blog by P3ANUT !!

__applause and cheering+

please..you're to0 kind..you shouldn't have..LoOoLsz

so0 i am sure it's been super long since i've written anything on HL's Blog..
well im back with a new topic... Females

i do not even know where to start !
i go to an all girls catholic school downtown..located in tha heart of Manhattan..lol

quick question..how many parents are thinking about sending their 'darling' daughter to an all girls catholic school ??
DON'T do it !!!!!
it's social suicide...tehehe =D
do you think im being dramatic ?
well im not if only you guys knew how disgusting..disturbing & hypocritical it is...im sure you'd think twice about sending your daughter to an all girls catholic school
so i've been attending my school for about 3 years now..im a junior

since i've been at school i've learned that there are NO such things as real friends..maybe you'll get lucky and find one or two but odds of that is slim to none

girls back stab other girls in this school like its going outta style !!
they literally sit in your face..give you a hug..& steal your sidekick right outta your back pocket !
other times..there are the more bolder ones who plot things out; & when they do steal your [explicit] they change tha serial number in tha back so they wont get caught with your phone..

disgusting things go down in tha bathroom !!
im telling you..i'd rather scrub tha McDonald's bathroom on 125th than stand in tha bathroom in my school

girls do numbers 1 through 100 & whoops_silly
[explicit]s don't flush tha [explicit]ing toilets !!!!!
so im staring this beast in tha toilet..to0 scared to flush but yet fascinated enough to call National Geographics to report a runaway turd..LoOoLsz

& man i cant forget tha random sanitary napkins i see following me around to class..i turn left..there goes a kotex..i turn right..hey look its a tamp !
UGHsz !!!

this is a true story..
i swear this girl [name with held] was walking up tha stairs to class when her [explicit]ing pad fell off her from like tha friggin Heavens above !!!
like WTF ?! where in tha bloody hell did that [explicit] come from ?!?!?

craziest part is she had on tha school PANTS & she seriously looked at it and said 'oops..i dropped that' [u damn right u did] & picked it up & walked about her business !!!!!!

that [explicit] still boggles my mind til this day
smh

tha lunch !!
they be serving us liddo kitty kat & rats
lolsz nah
but today..tell me why tha 'chicken' smelt like sweaty armpits and hot goat sex !!

no bueno HL..smh
tha macaroni & cheese looks like a neon yellow motel sign that's telling us no vacancy..

can't forget about about tha [ Soap Opera Click ]
they are tha gay girls at my school who have a problem like every other day between them.
it's really THEE most funniest thing i've ever seen !!
like one lunch period Girl A literally begged for Girl B to take her back because she's in love with her & not girl C & D...
confused yet ???
LmaoO..it's really something outta tha soaps !!

quick fact: every 2 seconds someone converts from straight-ism to bi-ism or straight-ism to lesbian-ism without hesitation !!![explicit] is crazy !!!

LoOoLsz...that should be enough on my crazy school
i miss HL
until next time
tah-tah

X__P3ANUT

P 3 A N U T

2.24.08


okay so here's tha deal...
my sister Suqi has a boyfriend named Devon
she's had a crush on him for a while & it just so happened that he liked her to0..

COOL !

now, what he doesn't understand is that she is practically in love with him..
like this girl likes him more than he does her
me personally...i think he's cheating on her
now what would possibly make me come to this conclusion you may be asking..
like me explain...

[ this is tha time to get your detective snooper gear and take notes ]

1. she recieved a phone call from one of her friends who told her Devon is messing with her cousin.
2. he never visits her/ she never visits him......they both live a friggin block away from each other !!!!!
3. all important conversations are held over aim...umm hmmm =/
4. he was all hugged up on Suqi when a girl sed " DEVON !! you cheating on me ?? it's over...and he left my sister standing there looking stoopid to tend to this other [explicit]
5. Tha mother of all disrespectful things....at a video shoot we had..he brought a girl with him named Destiny whom told us that Devon is her boyfriend and that they juss started going out...when he was called into questioning his reply was " that's just my friend from school "

WTF ?! you're joking..clearly...right ?

tha sad part is that my sis is to0 blind to see tha wolf in tha red riding hood cloak
love is blind [[ in this case..also a bad liar with a cute smile ]]
i find it sadening how she makes excuses for his ridiculous behavior..
like we're only 17 & she's already got a husband and sum kids [ not literally people]


i love this girl but she's so overwhelmed by someone liking her that she'll ignore her pride and dignity to keep someone whose probably [explicit] tha whole NYC
smh
i can't keep being to0 overprotective over her anymore..its time to let mama bear like her little birdy fly
[[[ wait...lolsz..that really didnt make sense..cmon people...stay with me ]]]
but yeah
she needs to figure out his scheming [explicit] before her feelings really start to take over

smh

signed...an angry P3ANUT