S H A Y Y.

i don't understand it
like it feels like everyday im shaking my head and wondering if something is wrong with me.
im so young but it feels as if i've walked in the life of a 30 year old.
my boyfriend seems to be the center of my confusion at the moment.
okay so he's 19 and now he's going to be a sophomore in college, last year he went away to a school in Alabama.
im not a big fan of long distance relationships but we some how managed to 'make it work'
i have always told him i would rather be alone than be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect or want to be with me.
every time he insists that he loves me and this is the perfect relationship for him.
now im not a complete idiot and i figure he has been fucking around in college but i'll give him the benefit of the doubt because im going to take his word unless i hear other wise.
well instead of him cheating on me with an Alabama bitch, he already had a girlfriend and went out with me during their time together.
of course when i found out about her and vice versa we both dumped him.
but it seems like guilt and persuasion got me back together with him.
the same day we broke up he got jumped and had to go to the hospital. his arm was in a sling for a few days.

does anyone else see my problem ?
like im so in love with this dude, or is it love ?

he says he loves me and misses me but every opportunity avalible to see him, he's busy.
not tryna sound like a gold digger but i've spent more money on him than he has on me.
i've taken him out and given him almost anything a girlfriend could but it seems like it's not being reciprocated.
i guess saying that im going to break up with him is actually alot harder than doing it.
he was my first love, my first EVERYTHING
maybe that's why it's so hard for me.
im so young to have had fallen so hard for this guy when it seems like the feeling isn't mutual.
trust is not as high as it used to be as well
it seems like he'd rather be with another bitch than hang out with me.
am i not an option ?
correction
was i ever an option ??

maybe i should get the courage to move on.
i know it'll be hard but it'll be worth my while to either be alone or some else will see the worth in me.
i dont know what to do anymore
im trying to make this work but it's only so much i could take.

[O=O] Unappreciated by Cherish